On Slowing Down (And Singing Out!)

An Intention for High Summer

An oldie, but goodie.

Hello dear friends!

Are you on the other side of the frantic crescendo to Summer Solstice? I think I am…

School is out. Summer is here. And I intend, with all my heart, for it to be slower.

Here’s why.

Have you ever been swimming at the beach—maybe body surfing a wave—when you get caught in the break, and just as you try to come up for air, another wave crashes over you?

My life has felt like that since last autumn. Don’t get me wrong, there were windows to catch my breath. And I’m not a “woe is me” kind of person. But it’s been that kind of stretch. Apparently, it’s my “mid-life transition.”

My nervous system was fried. I felt overwhelmed, cried often, snapped at my family, and couldn’t cope with new problems—like a recent diagnosis of Hallux Limitus in my feet, which forced me to quit two beloved sports: soccer and climbing.

I’m not looking for pity.

I know challenge and sorrow are part of our collective experience—especially in a world this heavy.

Instead, I want to share a few of the life preservers that have helped keep me afloat, and might feel apt for you as well this summer.

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LIFE PRESERVER #1: SLOW DOWN

I’ve been slowing down.

Really slowing down.

Stripping away the things I think I need to do, places I think I need to be, and people I think I need to see—and trusting I won’t fall behind, miss out, and above all, lose my friends.

It’s not easy. But it’s necessary.

This commitment to slowness has brought sharp awareness to the absurd fullness of my days.

I’m a high-functioning, Type-A, perfectionist. (I’ve been told I’m OCD and ADHD, though never formally diagnosed.) This drive is how I co-founded Firelight Camps and wrote two cookbooks while raising two young kids—partially during Covid, without childcare.

The amount I think I can accomplish in a day is borderline superhuman.

But here’s the truth: I don’t really know how to relax. I go through the motions, but my body isn’t actually in a relaxed state. A recent dive into my old diaries confirmed this high-octane way of living has been with me for a long time.

And now, it’s catching up.

When I sprouted a coldsore on my eye this week (my third in six months—ew), I finally listened to what my body was screaming: REST.

Not just lie-down-with-your-phone rest.

Real rest.

And in that space, I noticed just how fast things were… and how slow they can be.

What a revelation.

• I can swim alone and watch an osprey paint imaginary circles overhead.

• I can sit still and watch the breeze lift the willow tree’s skirts like a tutu mid-spin.

• I can stay in bed and hear the birdsong become the sound of a thousand stars waking up.

• I can nap.

I’m learning to be a “human being,” not a “human doing.”

I know slowing down isn’t easy. For many, it’s not even an option. And yet, as the incredible Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry says, REST IS RESISTANCE.

Resistance to the grind culture that we are sold is the key to attaining success and happiness.

Sometimes it takes strength—or in my case, forced surrender—to see that.

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LIFE PRESERVER #2: SING TOGETHER

Recently, I had an experience that felt ancient and communal, offline and creative, slow and soulful.

I went to a song circle led by Alexandra “Ahlay” Blakely (thanks to my dear sisters Sarah and Peaches for bringing her to Ithaca!).

Ahlay wasn’t performing on a stage.

She was guiding 100+ people to learn and sing her simple, powerful songs. She invited us to switch parts if we couldn’t hit the pitch. She shared stories, listened, created space.

It was a group work of he(art).

Bobby caught a sweet video of “Shame Song”—about the idea that mistakes can be opportunities to learn together, not reasons to cast people out.

IMAGINE THAT.

Her songs have been pulsing through me ever since. I find the song I need “singing in my bones” just when I need it (to borrow lyrics from Bloodlines).

Belting out songs with others reminded me of something I read by a photographer who spent years documenting elders in retirement communities. Eventually, she realized they were teaching her:

You don’t have to be good at something to do it.
You can do it simply because it feels good.

Which brings me to life preserver number three…

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LIFE PRESERVER #3: DO THINGS FOR JOY, NOT SUCCESS

In one of my high school diaries, I wrote: “I’m going to get really good at the guitar.”

But that kind of striving often leads to disappointment—we rarely meet the standards we set for ourselves. Goals are good. But not for everything.

This winter, I picked up the guitar again with a different mindset: I want to learn to strum chords and fingerpick notes because it feels good. I love the sound of the instrument and making music. I love that it is offline. The girls and I have been making up tunes with silly lyrics. Maybe, I’ll eventually string together notes to sing with friends. (See Life Preserver #2)

When we’re not chasing mastery, we can actually enjoy the moment we’re in. That’s the medicine.

This mindset belongs in the kitchen too. Instead of trying to become expert chefs, let’s keep things simple and savor the fruits of summer. Maybe shopping at the market is what we love best. Maybe it’s experimenting with flavors over the grill.

We’re entering the season of straight-from-the-vine eating: Grilled Stone Fruit Crumble and Zucchini “Papardelle” with Pesto, or an easy Focaccia with a Grazing Spread.

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WAIT A MINUTE…

With all this talk of slowing down and doing things for fun, you might be asking: “But… aren’t you launching a podcast?”

Yes. And. I’m choosing Dinner Last Night because every piece of it brings joy in the moment. I’m learning, connecting, writing, growing.

And I’m intentionally not rolling it out at the breakneck pace of most podcasts.
(Pat on the back!) In other words, we’re going slow.

One of the most beautiful parts of this project? Conversations with other parents—other humans—who get it. Who face similar challenges and share brilliant advice. It’s a way of singing together, across the world.

Ok, onward to my fourth life preserver…

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LIFE PRESERVER #4: SMALL WINS

On July 6th we’ll release our first podcast episode with amazing chef, cookbook author, and mother Giulia Scarpaleggia.

During our interview, she introduced me to a simple idea that has stuck with me this season: micro-canning. She doesn’t batch-process tomatoes anymore—just a few jars here and there.

I tried it with two quarts of strawberries this week. It was easy, and still made four beautiful jars of jam.

What if we applied this idea to other aspects of our life? For example, instead of attempting to write the whole book, we write a page. Instead of mulching the entire garden, we cover a small plot.

I’ve been reading a wonderful book, that can be digested in 2-minute snippets daily, and which touches on all of the topics in this email: Meditations for Mortals. Highly recommend.

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So there you have it. There are other tools I’ve been reaching for. I started an anti-anxiety medication, which I hope can bring my nervous system back into balance as I learn how to float.

Or as my friend Katie said—how to SURF. 🏄‍♀️

I’m working with a wonderful homeopath.

And mostly, I’ve found that being vulnerable with others and admitting where I’m at has opened up the most beautiful and honest conversations. So there you have it. (EEK.)

In that spirit, thank you for listening, and thank you for being here.

♡ Swimming with dragonflies,
Emma